Best hurry, he thought. Best get outa this weather. He wanted to die but he really didn't want to catch a cold to do it.

Sixty felt like a big landmark. Not in a dreadful sense, but none of the other birthdays have bothered me. It&#39;s got labels on it - OAP, retirement - and I just wanted to take stock. I wanted to be in my greenhouse at home and at least give myself the opportunity of not working again.

I felt myself falling asleep; my eyes were closing, and then I thought, Maybe I should just kill myself. Suicidal thoughts always sneak up on me like that. But I don’t mind them. They’re like aspirin. They calm me down.

Written By Jonathan Ames

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