Marching constantly around every boy’s desk was this message: I LOVE YOUR BUTT. LET ME KISS IT. —BERNARD “I didn’t write that message!” Bernard shouted.

Woman is sacred; the woman one loves is holy.

The only time it was okay to drink Kahlúa was if you were thirteen, your parents were out of town, and you needed something to break the ice so you could have sex with your homeroom teacher. Kahlúa was medicine for teenagers; not a drink for grown-ups.

Confucius was a humanist and an agnostic.

Written By Hu Shih

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