The only thing that I was equipped for with my very mediocre college Arts degree was to get a job in teaching.

A good education should leave much to be desired.

He was wondering if there was some cryptic, cultish mark on his door that told all the crazy people he'd have trouble saying no.

There&#39;s so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

We spend the first twelve months of our children&#39;s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can&#39;t see him laughing.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Written By Phyllis Diller