If Heaven had looked upon riches to be a valuable thing, it would not have given them to such a scoundrel.

Nobility, without virtue, is a fine setting without a gem.

And the price we paid was the price men have always paid for achieving a paradise in this life—we went soft, we lost our edge.

Six hours later, when I returned, I was greeted at the door- and this before it was even opened -by the overpowering smell of vinegar. What were my neighbors thinking? That a douche-obsessed woman with a gigantic, three-foot vagina lived next door?

Written By Augusten Burroughs

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