Everything is muffled and car-crash-like and I want to speak but she's looking through me and I'm looking through alcohol. We're nowhere near each other even as we stumble in tandem through our disintegrating lives.

Our parents came home one day and heard us, and they thought it was the radio, but our grandfather told them it was us.

I'm so drunk my head doesn't even need my neck.

I&#39;m a very thoughtful, forward-thinking, planner kind of person. I love Excel spreadsheets and five-year-plans, and I love to review every year how my New Year&#39;s resolutions went.

Written By Jenna Fischer

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