To die before coming to the end of willpower, was that not an aristocrat’s choice? He

Dont grieve any more, see I am coming up with you everyday now, and if there is anything the matter, you can come to me.

You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.

I bought a liter of Everclear, a quart of Gatorade, and a can of Red Bull, and poured all of it into my CamelBak. I come prepared. We arrive at the lacrosse house, and I begin sucking back the Everclear/Gatorade/Red Bull mixture, which I will hereafter refer to as “Tucker Death Mix.” It tasted like ghetto romance. It was awesome.

I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.

Let’s just say that it did not end well. Things were thrown, curses hurled, none of the three ever came over again, and I had to recruit a whole new stable of booty calls. Maybe a better man than me could have turned that night into something out of Penthouse Letters, but all I did was end up with my dick in my hand and a mess in my apartment.

Tucker “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. Please speak up.

8:58 We go to McDonald's. The woman in front of me in line spends more than five seconds contemplating her order. This infuriates me, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?? MC-SEABASS?? IT'S THE GODDAMN MCDONALDS'S MENU, IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR TEN YEARS! IT'S ALL MCSHIT!JUST ORDER!

... If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.

Tucker Max

Quotes by Tucker Max

Written By Tucker Max

Written By Tucker Max

Written By Tucker Max

Written By Tucker Max

Written By Tucker Max

Written By Tucker Max

Written By Tucker Max

Written By Tucker Max

Written By Tucker Max

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