To keep dignity, and give honor when it's due, so that defeat is not disgrace.

In countless small ways the world around us grows gradually shittier. Well, I don’t like it at all.

Birds and deer are a silly luxury, and all the fish should be floating.

I&#39;m too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.

The first thing I&#39;ll do if elected is demand a recount.

Yes, I&#39;m a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.

I&#39;ll tell you right now. I&#39;m for prayer in school.

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it&#39;s just not in a place I can show you.

Written By Kinky Friedman