The man who has everything figured out is probably a fool.

Most people when they nod off look as if they could do with a blanket; I look as if I could do with medical attention. I sleep as if injected with a powerful experimental muscle relaxant.

The average American&#39;s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles&#39;s dart board.

There&#39;s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you&#39;re insightful about it.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation&#39;s highways.

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

Dennis Miller

Quotes by Dennis Miller

Written By Dennis Miller

Written By Dennis Miller

Written By Dennis Miller

Written By Dennis Miller

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